Screams that Humble

Showing up just on time allowed me to avoid the awkward questions that berate new comers. Being back in the States for a short time did not afford me ample time to connect with many of my friends so I didn’t want to let this opportunity slip by to be with one of them. Making my way to an inconspicuous seat I glanced around to see if she had arrived. Not being able to spot her I joined in the chorus with the rest of the ladies glad to be able to sing in English.

Still on my guard my senses were hyper sensitive and more aware than normal that evening. I might even go so far as to say I was a bit on edge. All of a sudden from across the aisle came this screeching sound. At first I thought someone was hurt and searched the crowd for the injured being. Then again a scream pealed out. This time I was able to locate the source. But, contrary to my primary evaluation, I saw a robust woman with a huge smile on her face swaying to the lively music clapping her hands and, for lack of a better description, singing.

Thoroughly distracted by the sounds coming from this woman’s mouth I began to reason within myself, “Someone really ought to speak to this gal; she sounds like a dying cat.” Things went from bad to worse as I thought to myself, “I’ll bet she is just doing that to draw attention to herself.” Then I went off (this all taking place in my mind of course) into name calling, “Self-righteous, boastful, pride filled…” We will stop there.

Then the leader told us that we needed to break into groups at the tables set up in an adjacent room. I hadn’t noticed when my friend came in due to extenuating circumstances. Now I made a bee-line for her. After hearty hugs and gleeful greetings she led me to the group that she met with each week. And what to my wondering eyes should appear?

You guessed it! Cat woman was already comfortably seated chatting with the others at the very table we were headed towards. For a split second I thought maybe we would just pass on by and I would be free. No such luck. I was going to have to talk with the person I had characterized. How odd that we were supposed to be focusing on God and all I could do was focus on this lady. Time that should have been dedicated to worship was juxtaposed with slanderous, judgmental thoughts.

I held my tongue as much as I could. My conscious was eating at me. It felt like I had Jiminy Cricket the size of an elephant sitting on my shoulders. I finally cracked under the pressure. In my heart and under my breath I whispered out an apology to the Lord for my loveless behavior. Relieved, I entered into the discussion about the chapter of the book they were reading.

I paid special attention to the woman that I had mentally mistreated. Turns out she had an amazing story of overcoming many huge obstacles. I was glad that I had a change of heart so that I could learn from her.

But the story does not end there. Due to the fact that I was a missionary many of the ladies specifically asked for my opinion on some of the points of the discussion. I kept my answers as brief as possible because I wasn’t feeling very “missionaryish” just then. I was still ashamed, humbled by what had transpired. All of a sudden the lady two seats down from me got up out of her seat and made a little speech, “Since Angie probably doesn’t have this book I am going to give her mine. It is marked up half way through, because that is as far as we have read. But I don’t think she’ll mind because those are the good parts.” She gave me a huge warm smile and handed me the book.

By now I bet you know who it was who gave me the book. To this day I still do not know her name. It was the very woman I had ridiculed in my mind. I should have looked up at her name tag; she had come in her janitor overalls right from work. I knew that this was not a small sacrifice for her. All I could do was look into her beaming joy-filled face and say, “Thank you.”

When I feel the urge to jump to conclusions I am reminded about this instance. I cannot say that I have arrived; I am still growing in this. I am just so grateful for the grace of God. He used the person I had belittled to add value to my life. What a good, good God.